Warnings
This site is a warning for you, plain and simple.
Had I been able to talk frankly with a divorced person about the devastating aftermath, I may not have gone through with my divorce. But I did not have anyone to warn me, to tell me I was stupid, to counsel me. My friends went along with the “women are victims” ideology of the day and encouraged my divorce. Not that any of it was anyone’s fault but mine. In the end, I pulled the trigger alone.
But even though I did not have the advantage of human counsel, I was not without guidance.
I received warnings against what I was about to do in many dreams. I believe the warnings were from God.
In one of the more memorable dreams I was warned about the deep depression that would follow my mistake. I could feel the mental anguish in the dream, but it wasn’t until a few years later that I felt it in real life. By then it was too late because I had ignored the warning.
In another dream I was driving to work with hair not yet dry from the shower and fretting that I wasn’t ready. I was stuck on a fast expressway and looking for an exit, feeling that I wasn’t ready and was unable to control the car. At the last minute I found an exit and got off the expressway. Too bad I ignored that dream.
There were many, many warning dreams and I ignored them all.
After it was all over, I had another dream. In it I was standing outside of a church immediately next to my old house….the last home I had with my husband. There is no church there in real life. I was with someone, a male I think, and I said that I had never noticed a church right next to my house. He answered, “It was there all along, but you never noticed it.”
For those of you who are allergic to God, I saved this page for last so you would read all of my warnings first. But this is the most important page of this site.
I never asked for God’s help or guidance before or during my divorce. He gave it to me anyway in the form of dreams, but I didn’t listen.
We receive forgiveness if we accept Jesus as our savior and turn away from the sin, but we must still pay the penalty, just as a murderer must do his time before he is received back into the community. I am paying heavily, heavily for my sin. I hate it, but I accept it and I know I deserve it.
This site is a ministry. One small way I hope to serve God is to reach out to you and try to stop you from destroying the family and life that He gave you. Please make the right decision.
[...] that has already happened. We now are in a situation where there is serial monogamy. Kids hate it. The couples who split hate it. And the Church, who solemnizes most marriages (the civil laws were driven by the need to deal with [...]
Thank you for this blog. I was on the receiving end of a divorce for no real reason. It’s nice to see that at least one woman came to realize that this is a big mistake. Knowing my wife, I can’t believe she will ever come to this realization-with her it is always someone else’s fault.
My wife left me over nothing more than boredom and anxiety. The children, ages 9 and 10 at the time, saw it and refused to leave with her. She insisted they leave with her, but it was obvious that she wanted to remove them from MY life much more than she wanted them in hers. The children saw through that as well. And after going to the extremes of lying and dragging us and our money through court, she ended up with nothing but legal bills for herself and no college funds for our children, since THEY insisted on not leaving with her and demanded that I fight for their custody.
Had she not brutally stomped on so many toes, angrily burned so many bridges, and forced such an expensive legal battle…, she might today, ten years later, still have a family to which to return and receive forgiveness. Although I’ve been able to prevent our children from holding on to their anger and I’ve even gotten them to meet with their mother occasionally…, she will always be alone and lonely because of the scorched earth in her path.
I strongly advise women who DO decide to follow through on their plans to leave a decent man for less than honorable reasons, to do it in a manner which doesn’t devastate the family and finances on which her children depend and will later be unable to rely.
This is a beautiful confession, thank you for your honesty.
My friends also encouraged me–the wrong way. They encouraged me to have an affair, even though I was turning to them because I felt tremendous sexual pressure at my work place and was beginning to fall for a man there whose character was questionable. I was reaching out for someone to smack some sense into me. I felt I had no control over the feelings building inside of me. I had a husband who was a good husband and provider, but who rarely touched me or talked to me, and when he did, it was usually insulting. That may have been able to get better had I focused my attention there. Anyhow…after my divorce I was discarded by a large group of married girlfriends one after the other over the course of two years. And new girlfriends were always wanting to go to events and on trips etc….something I could not afford, and also, having children, I could not make time for. Any boyfriends I have I do not wish them to meet my children, so I must keep the home and love life separate. I have put it in my head now, that when I break up with the boyfriend I have now ( because I have to always break it off at some point because they get upset at not being part of the other side of my life OR they continue to have absolutely no interest in ever being near my children which, even though I would not let a man near them until I was closing in on marriage again, carries a sting that is hard to bear. So, I’ve resolved that I will behave as a woman whose husband has gone off to war and never come home the next time I break it off with a boyfriend. My life will be me and the children when I have them, and when I don’t I will be studying or learning or working anyway I can. I too am poverty level. I use the child and spousal support to pay the rent. And after that my pay barely pays the bills and gets groceries.
Unlike you though, I would definately divorce again even if I had warning. I was in tears almost every day because my husband behaved as if I didn’t exist nearly all the time….no matter what I did to try and please. I don’t know anyone who has lived as long in the silent treatment as I did. It began to rub off on the kids and they would begin to ignore me like he did. Now that we are divorced at least my children and I are warm and chit chatty. Best of luck to you—by the way, I think you should not have bought a house. No one pays off a house in less than 15 years. I will pay rent any day knowing that I am free to move when I like. I bought a sailboat for a 1000 dollars that is in fair condition that I fix up in my free time since I’ve no friends to hang out with. If I can no longer make rent with the support myself, I am moving onto the boat. Slip rental is 350 a month and my little boat is the size of a large camper van and sails beautifully. It has given me hope to know I have a little place to call all my own.
Best wishes to you. I will never, if I marry again, let myself grow distant from a friend who is divorcing. It is the hardest time in life.